I've decided to keep writing this little column on Saturdays. As always, you can read or not read, that is the question.
I am a person of strong emotions and opinions. I'm not intending to be political in these little writings on Saturday; I'm not into politics that much. It tires me to listen to all the spin and hype and promotion. I will not take one side or the other, for politics' sake. But I do have opinions about 'people' topics and relationship issues and about life in general that I hope will be interesting to read.
After last weeks start (earlier post) to this series, I had an experience with a co-worker that had to do with NOT listening. So, maybe I had better NOT speak up again--it seems you get what I "asked for" or, what I wrote about! . . . NOT! I'll still keep musing and speaking (blogging), because that's just who I am.
Anyway, in a small gathering of co-workers, I heard one person make a statement that slightly offended me and that I believed was . . . well . . . no judgements or politics, now! So, at a later time. I asked that person if I could talk with them about it. I explained my hurt feelings, mostly because the statement related to a previous emotional hurt of mine. I was hoping to get a "I hear you saying . . . . " and, then, get an opportunity to discuss the matter. But instead, that person was defensive of their position/thinking and placed a judgement on me! Ouch! That hurt! Agreement was not what I wanted--nor judgement! All I wanted was to be heard! And considered. Enough said about that.
So, a skill that I would like to present and that might help promote listening, is to acknowledge that you heard what the other person said whether you agree with it or not. This skill, after actually listening, would be to say: "I hear you and I think that you are saying . . . ." Response and restating what the other person said, helps them feel like they are NOT talking to a wall. This lets the person know that you, indeed, heard what they said and opens the door to discussion. Using this little skill will go a long way to creating a sense of well being and understanding for everyone.
Just saying . . . .
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4 comments:
usually, people are so quick to defend their position, they forget they're in a conversation. Sorry you had to go through that, and a good thought bec I have probably done the same myself, without thinking!
Good advice; I'm sure most of us, probably all, have not listened for whatever reason. :D But, it is common courtesy to at least listen..and courtesy goes a long way. :D
Lol. Your first paragraph put me in mind of a mistake I made years ago: I prayed for patience! Never do that unless you want LOTS of things to practice patience on!
I'm sorry your co-worker took what you said as an attack, rather than as what I think you intended: a request for understanding.
Great listening tool!
I hear you! I have a friend who will just say, "No, that's not the way it is." That is a conversation ender in a couple ways--no ensuing discussion, and the person making the original statement feels marginalized.
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